Peru

Ok, so where was I... Aeroquepa was really nice. It reminded me of spain more than south america. I spent a day there with Christian who Ive been travelling with for a lil over a week now. Hes an aussie, so of course I had to tell him how much I dislike Casey Stoner. We did some stuff in Aeroquepa, and then headed to Colka Canyon. One interesting fact about Aeroquepa - the population is 100,000 but one third of this is taxi drivers, most of whom live and sleep in their taxis. I had one of my best meals on the trip so far there, which was a mix of things all that are typical Peruvian.

Colka Canyon is I think the worlds second deepest canyon (more than twice the grand canyon), and is nuts. You cant even see the bottom from the top. There were lots of tours that all left in the morning, but in the spirit of boozin we decided to go on our own in the afternoon. We took the 6 hour bus to Cabanaconde which is a small village (I think 1500 people) and stayed at this dump of a hostel for 7.5 soles. This is an all time new record of which I am very proud of. 7.5 Soles converts to $2.50 which is amazingly awesome. The place was basically a mud hut with some beds, and there was every animal imaginable right outside. The whole night, donkeys were humping, chickens laying eggs (or whatever it is they do at night), cows were pissing, etc. The place was ridic. This town I was in was like that town I heard about where there is 10,000 people and 30,000 bears, except change bears with sheep. So in all this animal madness, I felt the bed moving and I thought there was a dog underneath so when I tried to chase it away I realized it wasnt really a dog, but was an earthquake (a really cool first for me). I found out later that a 6.2 magnitude earthquake hit southern Peru, killing one 93 year old man. Its always the old ones that go first. It seems like anytime there is anything like a power outage, rainstorm, snowfall that some ninety-something just decides that its their time to go. Funny how that works out.

Colka Canyon from nearly 3/4 of the way down!

At the top

The next morning we trekked the 3 hours down to the bottom of this canyon, and hung out at this oasis. The trail was carved out of the side of this mountain, and was pretty awful to walk on cause it was all rocky and every step would cause you to loose your footing and nearly launch you off this mountain. The oasis had a swimming pool which was nice, and after a couple hours we headed back up.

Well the three hours down turns into 4 going up, and man was that tough. We didnt bring enough water, and it was blistering hot. We were so desheviled when we got to the top, and looked like total dung. Im sure we looked like we came from war or a concentration camp by the time we got to the top. The funny thing is that these 89 year old locals were billygoating their ass up the hill no problems, and I was dragging serious anchor. We made it out of there, and another guy told us there was a bus strike and not wanting to get stuck in one of these small towns for a couple days we headed back to Aeroquepa.

The next day there was a ridiculous protest in the middle of town, and they were burning shit. There was representation from the communist party, the corn party, and the farmer party amgonst all others. Apparently they want to send their president to jail because hes not doing his job. Sound familiar?

They had this large fake bush that had a dick that was about 2.5 inches. At least they have a hell of a sense of humor...

By the way this place is ridiculous. They have had a new president every 1.5 years. The one they consider the best had a ten percent approval rating, but despite this they keep him in high regard because after he was thrown out they didnt want to send him to jail. All the others were exiled or they wanted to send them to jail.

That night me and christian headed out to our favorite swedish bar there in Aeroquepa, and partied it up with Sinobia, this chick we met on the street. After slamming a couple of orgazmos (her pick) I headed out to Puno.

Only after coppin some tailfeather...

Puno is the port town on Lake Titicaca, which is the highest navigatable lake in the world at something like 13,000 feet, and its cold as hell at night. Now I have seen some pretty bad and shady business guys in my life, but man the taxi driver I got from Puno bus station to the hostel was the worst. This guy at 3:30 in the morning followed me into the hostel, and tried to take care of everything for me. I told him to pound salt, but then I realized what he was after. He tried to sell me a tour and wouldnt let me get to sleep untill I did. I told him to really get lost, and that I had to meet some friends that day and make some plans. Since I was still hungover from partying the night before I hit the sack untill at around 9ish I thought I heard the cops outside. Turns out this son of a bitch taxi driver came back to wake me up 6 hours after I rejected him to try and sell me the damn tour. Then when I tell him that Im not going to buy anything he told me his fee for his services is 20 soles. I didnt even use his services so I slammed the door in his face and went back to bed, but only after telling him that he by far the worst business man in the history of the earth. If Mike T was there I think we would have made a YTMND about it.

Other than that taxi driver guy Puno was awesome. I went to these tombs at Sullistani which were used by the incas and pre-incas to bury the kings of the area. They mummified them in the fetal position, and stuck them in these special cone shaped burial tombs.

Me contemplating the whether I prefer to be remembered by the spirit of the condor, or the puma

Awawaweewa, look at me - king in the castle. I have a chair. Everone look at me...

The next day I headed out to the floating islands of the Uros people, and to Taquile island. A couple centuries ago there were these really badass dudes called the Kolla, and they kicked some serious mideivel butt. Because of that these other dudes were really afraid, so they moved to the middle of lake titicaca. They live on these floating islands, of which there are thirty or so of them. The islands are manmade, and they are basically this root system they get from across the lake. They take those root chunks which float, tie them together, and put about a meter of reeds on it and then stack a couple of houses on top of that. They have really cool boats which they use to get around which are made entirely of the reeds. Taquile island (kind of like taquile, but switch the a and the e) is this place which has a real spanish influence. This spanish guy bought the island in 1680 and since its isolated (a 2.5 hour boat ride from Puno) the spanish style stayed. The men dress like catalan bullfighters, and are really proud of their knitting. They are in fact so proud of their knitting that they get boozed up and have competitions as to who is the better knitter. This aint your daddy´s knitting competition however - they pour a beer into their hats, and whoevers leaks the fastest is the loser and is destined to a life of pain and torture... (well, maybe minus the pain and torture).

I fought my way to the inside of this fish, but it didnt like me so it let me go out of the top of it!

Thinking about how slow the beer is about to flow from their hat...

After I kicked it with a pretty good crowd over a few dozen drinks at one of the watering holes in Puno, the next day I headed to Cuzco. One of those dudes was a british indian guy named Sega. How cool of a name is that. Cuzco is the oldest city that is still used in North and South America. It was the center of the Incan empire, and is really sweet. I met back up with Christian there (he didnt go to Puno), and after checking into the crazy party hostel (Loki) we proceeded to trash that dump. We went to this crazy ass club with all locals, and were getting busy on the dancefloor. It was pretty good. Today we are in this town, im not sure of the name but its pretty cool here, and tomorrow we head off to Macchu Piccu.

My new haircut - Peru remix. I need to have hair like this to 1) rock out like its 1983, and 2) to keep me warm at night

Before I forget, I should go over the highlights of the last weeks news in the MotoGP world. Interestingly enough Marco Melandri, who has had a disasterous season this year after switching for 2008 to Ducati has had discussions about dropping his bike manufacturer midseason. In Sachsenring Casey Stoner won, Rossi second, Vermeulen third. I think we all expected Chris Vermuelen to be on the podium. His wet weather experience clearly rose to the occasion to bring him to his first podium of the season. Dany Pedrosa crashed out unfortunately, but brought Rossi back up to be the points leader. Jorge Lorenzo, the shining star who everyone thought would smash the competition this year has had yet more problems, crashing out but keeping him in fourth in the points. Four days from now is the Red Bull Grand Prix at Laguna Seca. I was at that race last year when Stoner destroyed all the circuit records and went on for the win. I love that circuit, and believe that it is one of the coolest on the whole calendar. I am really looking forward to watching that race. You should check it out. I believe its on Speedvision on sundays, the usual hour being around 4 or 6 PM.

I think I left off in Baños, Ecuador.

The last day I was there I took what they called a steam bath at the hotel. I dont know how they came up with that name, but that isnt how I would describe it. First of all you sat in this box thing that looked more like a whodini contraption more than anything else. Only your head stuck out. You would go in there and steam and eucalyptis would go all over your body sans head for four minutes at a time for four times total. At the end, a guy would tell you what to do and it was different ever time. Sometimes you would wipe a cold towel on your legs, another time I sat in a cold bath for my stomach, and he rubbed it in a circular motion, another time he firehosed my body with cold water, only in the armpits though (wtf???). Nonetheless, somebody came up with this crazy regimen through thousands of years of tribulations, soI wasnt going to say anything. That day went back to Quito to tackle Cotopaxi this time for real.

We took a jeep to Volcan Cotopaxi, which is the second highest in Ecuador but is more pretty than its bigger brother Chimbarozu. We was these two British girls I knew from the hostel in Quito I convinced to go the night before and an Israeli guy. We parked on the side of it at 3,500 meters, and climbed to 4,800 meters to the refuge where we got some hot cocoa before trotting on. Our guide Louis told us that chocolate was good for the high altitude because of the cocao. Even starting at 3,500 meters it is very difficult to breathe. Every step takes concentration, and it is way too easy to overexert yourself. Nonetheless I took it as a test for when i make my way to everest base camp, so I was pushing it. I billygoated my ass up that mountain faster than the rest, and Louis was impressed as was the Israeli. The two british girls were dragging anchor, so we took qiute a bit longer than expected. When we left the refuge the plan was to go only another 200 meters (which takes sooo long because its so hard to walk) to the glacier to see glacial ice (supposedly very blue and unique). I had no problems, but the weather turned and with the pace of the girls we had to turn back. After a quick lunch at the refuge we went back to the jeep to get our bikes. We then mountain biked down the volcano about 6km to this beautiful lake, and then headed back to Quito.

When we got back to Quito the girls and the Israeli guy were wore out, and headed to their hostels but I saw a shitload of people in the street and decided to follow. I didnt realize till about ten minutes later it was for the copa de libertadores (soccer championship). It was the finals with Quito vs. Fuminense (Brazillian team). The game was the most important in all of south america, and it was game two (of two). In game one Quito spanked them 4 to 2, and the town was going nuts. I had a lot of stuff on me, and it was a rowdy crowd so I hung out for the first half, had a couple of beers and then headed back to pack for my flight the next morning. I found out the next morning that Quito won. Hell Yeah! At the end of the game the score was Quito 1 vs Fuminense 3 (for a total of 5 points each for the two teams), so they went to double overtime. Intense!

Bye Bye Quito & Ecuador!

I then flew to Lima. When I got out of the airport I tried to go cheap and use an unofficial taxi. Big mistake. At first I thought the guy would be cool, but within two minutes he was trying to sell me nose candy and take me to a brothel. He then told me that it was 35 dollars, not 35 soles like we agreed at the airport (3 soles per dollar - its the peruvian currency). I told him I was going to slit his throat and to let me out, but it was too late he took me to the worst part of town and when I told him i still wanted to get out he caved. When he gave me the change for my 50 sole note he gave me a counterfeit bill. What a piece of shit. Counterfeit money is really popular here, and sometimes when you buy something they look and feel the money for 5 minutes to make sure.

I got stuck in some dump of a hostel called stop and drop because the good one was all filled (ive never made a reservation on this trip and have never been rejected from a room). At stop and drop I slept in the dorm, which had three levels of bunk beds, and i was on the top. I was suspended like 15 feet in the air. Not good if your wasted...

At this point I was on the verge of licking the envelope that contained a letter to George Bush requesting for a full scale military attack on Lima, but then it got realy good.

Later that night I went to the casino, and won a bunch of money on the slots. They gave me a whole lot of booze, sandwiches, cigarettes, and free chips for the roulette tables. I was feelin good, and wanted to paint the town red. After grabbing some dinner I went to a touristy bar and met some old ass british guy who was moving in with his 20 year old chickita in Lima. He bought me a bunch of drinks, before he left. Then I made friends with this crazy native Arthur and we proceeded to get wasted. I picked up a couple of girls, and then a group of us went to a german bar for a couple of afterhours drinks. This really attractive older peruvian woman who lived in the states drove. We all got bombed, and the girl I was with had a good time and told me she wanted to be my girlfriend - mad funny. The girls in Peru love guys who have such stunning looks like myself, and little did I know at the time that if you go out you can have a similar experience any night of the week. They are all super attractive, and for some reason their Peruvian ex boyfriends cheated on them all.

Me & one of my peruvian chicas

The next day I nursed my hangover by going paragliding. This is not the thing when you get towed behind a boat. Its the one where the parachute is used to fly around. My pilot an ex air force captain was an expert, and was the champion in Peru for the past two years. He told me one day he went up and flew for 6 hours before he had to come down to piss. He had really good control, and could go up or down very easily. The winds were good, and it was a really beutiful day in Lima. It isnt like skydiving, and is more tranquilo, except when we came so close to the Marriott I thought we were going to crash into someones suite but the pilot knew what he was doing. We flew to 1,000 feet at one point, did some steep dives, and did a low pass over this outdoor mall. Definately add it to the list of cool things ive done.

That day left for Ica. Ica is this small town that is nothing special, but next to it about 5km away is Huachachina (pronounced wackacheena) which is paradise. Its an oasis, in the middle of a desert. The town is nothing more than a little lake with about 5 shops and a couple of hostels, but the main attraction is these HUGE sand dunes there which we went on with a dune buggy and sandboards. Sandboarding is a lot of fun, although their equipment was less than perfect. Its nothing like snowboarding. The best way to cruize down is by goign straight, no carving, and you can really pick up some speed. Its awesome.

If you notice my stance is funny its because I biffed on the previous sand dune, and my hip was hurt up a lil bit

After Huacachina I headed out with this aussie who ive been traveling for the past couple of days with to Aeroquepa. We wanted to catch the 9:00 bus, but it was full so we bought tickets for the 1:45 bus, and with a couple of hours to kill looked for a bar. We walked into the seediest strip club ive ever seen. Def wouldnt have had any kidneys if we drank there, so we went to this other bar and these cute waitresses told us to go to the karaoke portion where we did and drank a bunch of beers. For some reason the spirit of Jeff K. (from bing) entered my soul, so trying to pass the time, I gathered all the waitresses I could find and made them sing a lil Dust in the Wind. I got a small round of applause afterward, and we headed off for the 12 hour bus to Aeroquepa.

Aeroquepa is very nice. Its a mideivel kind of a city and is very clean. It reminds me more of Spain than South America. Alot has happened since ive been here, but I have to split so it will all have to wait for next time.

Before I go though I want to talk a lil about traveling alone. In the few phone calls ive made since I started this trip everyone wants to know if I like traveling alone. I really think its the only way to go. You have noone to accomodate to, and you go wherever you want. You pick up travel partners along the way, and it all works out in the end. I havent really been alone for a single day since I started (except for the food poisoning days), and I love every minute of it. I dont get lonely at all, as a matter of fact id say if I could have more personal time it would be better, but theres so much to do, so much to see, and so many people to meet. I couldnt imagine doing this kind of travel with a chicka because it gets hectic sometimes, and to have someone complaining wouldnt be all that cool. Maybe in another time, but not for this first world tour. Who knows, maybe some day in the future there will be a sequel to this madness, and it will costar some cutie. Only time will tell my friends...

End of transmission - B