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The fat lady is singin!!!!

Oh man, well I have gotten a few emails about writing another entry, so I guess I have to get going!!!

Hey, hate to do it to you all, but this is the last entry for the time being.

Damn, I checked last night and I dont think I have written an entry in almost two months! Last time we left off was when I got back from Iran. From there I cruised back to Thailand, spent a few days in Bangkok hangin around the old haunts, and then headed back to Malaysia. I spent a few days in Kuala Lumpur (KL), then headed to Melaka, then back to Singapore, and then back to KL.

In Melaka I became part of a street show where a man stuck his finger into a ten pound coconut. It was pretty sweet!

They also have sick rickshaws. The sickest I have ever seen!!!

I was walking around, and this guy called me out as a foreigner and I made some jokes with him and the crowd and then he joke fired his assistant and I did the entire show with him. He had been doing the show for 9 years, and was about to retire so he wasnt as sharp as his first showing. For example, when he swallowed the gasoline to blow fire he choked and the gasoline went into his tear ducts and then he vomitted all over the place.

So I picked out the coconut for him to stick his finger in and then I split a newspaper with a whip, threw some cards at a newspaper to cut it, and all these other funny things that entertained the crowd.

Oh yeah, and then I met Rolf. So I was partying with these Canadian chicks in Melaka, and we went to the bar and were dancing when this old dude started dancing with one of them. We joked, and then talked after. Turns out the old guy (I would have guessed 30) was really 44 and was travelling with his 83 year old grandfather Rolf. Rolf was absolutely amazing. This dude spoke 13 languages, paints, writes poetry, has lived in Africa and Asia, has three homes, and walks about 20km per day. He had waaay more energy than his grandson, and drank with us till 3am every morning.

In Singapore, I met a dude who had been driving a motorcycle for the past 8 years throughout the world. Dude was sick!!! Oh yeah, he was deaf too – I think he was setting some sort of record.

Singapore has some cool areas. Like the esplanade, and others.
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Sure as hell doesnt seem like the recession has hit them. Crane Mania!!!
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Beetle... I mean esplanade

Somewhere along the way I met this crazy Russian dude who had been riding a motorbike for 8 years around the world. Now that is a serious dude!
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Then I got totally inspired when I heard they had lugeing (spelling?). I had a grandioso image of me donning a skin suit and aerodynamic helmet. Sure Singapore was melting at 90 degrees, but maybe they had an ultra modern teflon luge track. Who knows – its Singapore, anything is possible.

Well, it turned out to be a real letdown when I saw a flock of 13 year olds running to cut me in line. The luge was more like cruising on some sort of a track and kart kind of thingamajig. LAME!!!
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In the interest of retaining my manhood I will refrain from showing any pictures that include me and show you an actual representation of what it looked like while I was rollin.
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In that same time I was really on a roll. I was knocking things off my life to do list left and right.

I:
smoked a hand rolled cigarette
solved a rubicks cube
went lugeing
cracked a newspaper in half with a whip
completed my trifecta of weird run ins with people I know

Yeah, as for the last one lets backtrack to what has happened to me so far. In Salta, Argentina I was half asleep having a conversation with a mick when it turns out that none other than Brett Farell was in my hostel. I drank with Brett a few times in uni, but forgot about it. We had all the same friends, and went to all the same parties. We also were doing the same world tours but in reverse order, had the same backpacks, same boots, and were reading the same book.

Second ephiphany was when I was in Penang, Malaysia and I ran into some chick at 3am over pancakes who pretended to be my friend Ashley Cornelius. Out of all the people in Malaysia to be at that one pancake spot, I was probably the only person who could call her out as being a total liar!

Ok, so the third event happened when I was in Singapore. One day I was walking around on the street near my hostel, just doing my thing and I come across these two chicks that look familiar. We pass eachother, and then look back. I really know that I had seen them before, but I couldnt remember where. Well, I kept going but I was hoping to see them again so I could ask them. The next morning I woke up, and went downstairs to cook my eggs and there they were! I Knew where I had seen them – it was in Ecuador. No shit, when I was in Ecuador nearly dying of salmonella we shared the same dorm in Quito!!! Then a few days after that we climbed Mt. Cotopaxi!!!! Seven months after Ecuador, we somehow reunited in Singapore. It was really weird. We laughed about what we called “flight of the condor” which was when we were in Ecuador I got so excited about condors that for every picture I would make them take a picture as if they were condors. So we did one last flight, and then I boogied out back to KL.

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Flight of the Condors!!!

I was supposed to fly from KL to Perth, but when I got to the airport for my flight it turns out I bought it for one month later than I was supposed to so I had to get on the next days flight. I was short on cash, so I just slept in the airport with all these really dodgy Vietnamese guys who were bringing about 18 sex slaves back home and who were trying to pickpocket me every 5 minutes even after I went into the inside of a sleeping bag to protect my pockets.
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About four days later I got to Perth, and immediately got smashed with my buddy Johan. Johan and I traveled for a month and a half in Asia, and he was doing his thing in Perth so I figured I better see what its like. Perth is the most isolated city in the world. Sitting on the west coast of Australia, there is literally nothing around it. It has some really sweet beaches, all of which have free barbeques which means that every night we would get 10 or 15 people together get wasted and bbq.

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At 3AM I found this guy in the subway with a Dinosaur BBQ shirt, and we totally laughed it up. He was so happy to hear what it was. He bought it at salvo....

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Rotness Island, Western Australia - This place is sick!!!

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RI

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The aussies get so pissed, even on the battlefield they enjoy a nice bevvy every now and then!

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Scarborough beach, Perth - this place is sick!!! If you ever hit Perth, you need to BBQ and drink there every single day.

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Again

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Do it like this!!!

After Perth, I headed out to New Zealand which is my final stop on the trip. I am in the process of getting settled and am looking for work. My buddy Jim Cullen, brother of nutjob Bill came to Auckland, and we hung out for a few days. He was travelling Oz/NZ for a few months, and was really into my blog - so this beer is for you Jim!
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Cool bird in Rotorua

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Weird thermal baths that smell like dirty diapers in Rotorua

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My plant...

I wish that I had a more interesting end to such a long chapter in my life, but thats all that I can come up with right now. As I was going along this amazing trip I would always try and think about how I would end my blog, and I never imagined that the day would actually come.

A lot has happened since I left the good ol US of A. The world has seen a lot of change, as have I. Some of my friends I ring back home dont recognize me on the phone – I cant say if that is necessarily a good or a bad thing, but it for sure is a thing. My 401k has shit the bed real hard, and my president is black. It will be interesting to see what the next 9 months have in store....

I dont really have any special words of wisdom, but I will say that you should cherish every moment in life as if it is special. Dont settle for the mundane, dont let life pass you by, and for sure dont ever get roofied in Cuzco (or so I hear...). This world we live in is an amazing place. You would have to be a fool for missing out on all it has to offer.

I have done my best to try and ease the negative stereotype that all of the world shares against Americans. I try and understand and let them know that as an American citizen I am not such a son of a bitch like Bush and his drinking buddies. We actually have souls, and arent as shitty as a majority of the others you meet out on the travel trail.

Compassion, understanding, and tolerance is what its all about in this world and I have tried to do my part.

I really want to thank each and every one of you for your support and patience with some of the longer blogs. Its been a hell of a ride, and I hope that you enjoyed reading.

I also would like to thank all my travel partners:

Nir, Itai, Raz, and Noa from Bocas
Flight of the Condor girls (Emma and Huelwen)
Christian Capper
Catherine Dumont
Clemens Sproll
Natalie Rivero (sos mi chancho preferido)
Ashley Cornelius
Lisa and Tilde from safari
Emma and Georgina (you gals are rockstars!!!)
Chris Nancrede
Clancy and Danae Gardner
Johan Van Ophem
Tim Dougill and Gareth Tantrum (Dont worry, I slept with your moma boys!)
Kylie Agraval
Flight of the Condor girls again!!!
Johan Van Ophem 2.0!!!

PS: Watch a lot of flight of the chonchords. Its absolutely amazing.

Firsts:
time to south america
drinking with a 13 year old (he was the one buying me beers and giving me advice on women, dont worry!)
rafting a class 5 rapid
bungee jump
scuba diving
falling for a foreigner
grinding with a man, more specifically a ladyboy (oh well, jolly good fun regardless)
dancing to kumbia
going 14 days without a shower or changing clothes (himalayas will do that to you)
near death experience with salmonella

Peace out cub scout!!! till next time space warriors...
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Oh yeah, before I forget - I recently went to the beach, and something intrigued my me. It turns out it was a secret message written in the sand.....
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Posted by bejuan99 23:10 Archived in New Zealand

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