Walk.... I mean - Smoke like an Egyptian

08.19.2008

Good lord to these people like tobacco! Im going to be honest here when I say that people in Egypt have the most hurt up teeth I have seen in my life. All day, its bogey after bogey, then tea, then the sheesha (hookah). If you find someone with yellow teeth, this is like something amazing.

The dudes who smoke a lot of hash or opium have straight up brown grillz, and I have seen green before!

Haha, ok so back to the trip. Cairo was hot, dirty, and busy so me and Ash took a train to Aswan in the south. We went for the sleeper train which was supposed to be super nice (with a bed so you can sleep), but it turned out to be a real dump. You pay $60 for it vs. the $15 for the first class which is the same, minus the bed part (just a seat). Well whatever it was, in the train station Ash was looking at the pictures which made it look all nice, but when we got there it was nothing like the pictures. I kind of figured it wouldnt be at all like the pictures, but hell - at least there wasnt chickens in the room. So, after the 12 hour ride we got to Aswan. Aswan is the southernmost city in Egypt and was historically used as a stronhold to defend Egypt from the Sudanese (going back to 1500 BCish).

Aswan is effin hot! During the day it averages 43 in the summer (around 110F), and the nighttime isnt much better. When we got there I wanted to hit up this $1 hostel, but Ash wasnt into it at all, so we made a compromise. With all that travel we worked up quite an appetite so when we went to this weird restaurant I ordered up some grilled pigeon, and slammed that sucka down. Def add that to the list of crazy food i have had...

Yeah Ash, im not sure the Lamb is as cool as the Pigeon. Put that thing down...

Boomshakalaka!

View from hotel in Aswan

In Aswan, my hair was really beat so I got a haircut by Dave Chappelle. After cutting my hair without asking he then removed all the hair from my forehead by using thread in this crazy technique using his teeth and some thread. Man, my forehead is so shiny and smooth now im sure the girls are going to line up just to get a feel.

Before

After

The man kept talking to Ashley, and she was convinced her hair needed some trimming so she got up in the barbers seat, and he did a little trimming. More interesting than this though was when he showed her how he cuts hair with a flame from a candle. After, he removed her moustache with the thread stuff he did to me to make her look more like a woman than a truck driver... (haha - Ash, sorry but I couldnt help myself).

I also bought this from the Souk (bazaar)!

Also in Souk

That night we went out on this little boat up the nile to a beach for swimming and to play some football. We used the roof of the boat as a diving board, and did some diving too which was fun. After we went to a Nubian house for dinner. Nubians are the people from Northern Sudan who now live in Egypt. The reason why they had to migrate north is because in the 60s the Egyptian government build the high dam which changed the flow of the Nile and created lake Nassir which displaced the people. They consider themselves apart from Egyptians, and typically the two dont wed. Nubians also have more relaxed views on drinking and smoking than the Egyptians. Therefore all the Nubians try and hustle weed in the streets, and convince you its ok because they are Nubian.

At the swimming beach

The Nubians also believe that crocodiles are good luck so they put a stuffed one above their doors, and keep at least one in each house. In the house we went to they had one that had to be at least 8 foot long, and they showed how powerful he was by poking it with a stick and showing how the croc ravaged that stick. They also had a baby one in a glass cage, which seemed harmeless but they said it could kill you.

I call this one "man with croc"

After two hours of sleep we went to Abu Simbel in the South. Its about 40km from the Sudanese border. Its only about three hours drive south of Aswan, and its damn hot there. Abu Simbel was built under the reign of Ramses II, who is considered one of the greatest pharoas and is referred to as Ramses the great. Its purpose was to show the power of the Egyptian empire and show to the people of the south the great power that they posessed. It was used more as a piece to intimidate the enemy from coming north. Its kind of crazy too, because when they build this high dam that I referred to earlier this was going to put the site of Abu Simbel under water so UNESCO with the Egyptian government cut the ancient stone from the mountain it was in, moved it 120 meters higher in elevation, and reassembled it in a manmade mountain. There are two temples (large and small) with really cool heiroglyphics in both. The centerpiece for sure is the four statues of Ramses in the front of the large temple. On our way out I mentioned to a cop that he had a cool klashnikov, and for one pound (less than 20 cents) he was going to let me hold it and take a picture, but then we had to go. If a cop in the US did that, they would be hanged, but the cops here are a bit different I suppose.

They actually had one big ass door that locked the Large temple, and what Im holding is the key. I know, Im awesome. You dont need to tell me.

After Abu Simbel we went to the high dam which wasnt all that crazy, except when I learned about how careful I had to be about the egyptian challenge with the silent nature.

After the dam we went to the temple of Philae (pronounced Philly), but despite how hard I looked I did not find the fresh prince, or jazzy jeff. They had really good heiroglyphics that you could take pictures of there, and it was on this island which was really cool.

Sadly enough, we kept forgetting to walk like an egyptian, and I think this is the only picture we have doing it.

The next day we headed out. We were supposed to take a fallukah to Luxor (three day sail) on the Nile, but Ashley got sick so we had to take this big cruise ship kind of a thing. Before heading out we stocked up on supplies (stomach bug medicine for Ashley, some sudanese stickey ickey for me). Honestly, I have to say that one of the most epic things I have done so far was to sit on the back of that cruise ship, lit up, listening to some solid rock and roll. Im talking the stones, sammy hagar, bob seagar, def lepp, etc... Just chillin, watching the Nile go by was AMAZING!!!

The next day when Ash stole my ipod I was listening to this funny 1940s/20s ballroom/elevator music that was playing on the ships speakers, and that was almost more epic than the rock! The boat was all fancy, so listening to that kind of music was hillarious, and once I was in the groove, you couldnt pay me to peel away from that shipboard speaker.

View from stern. Mad tonnage!

When we got to port in Luxor there were so many ships we docked like 8km from the city so a cab was really epensive, but boy did we find a way around this! There was a buttload of French people on the boat so we just followed them off the boat onto their tour bus and pretended we were french and saved ourselves 50 Egyptian pounds!!!

I guess I have developed a "it will always work out in the end attitude", because when we were 5 minutes on the bus I looked over to Ash and told her that I had no idea where the boat was. We both burst into laughter at how ridic that was. There was like 1,000 boats in the town and we had no idea what the name of ours was, or where it was, and here we were cruising in this bus with all French people, and we had no idea where it was taking us.

Me and Ash at our final dinner on the cruise. We got all dressed up (cant you tell).

We went to the temple of Karnak which is just outside the city of Luxor, and was really good (and hot). It was at that point that we realized that between the heat and Ashley being a lil sick still we were almost Egypted out.

Entry to Karnak

My favorite thing at Karnak

Because of this we just took the next couple of days easy. One of the nights in Luxor there was this sweet party with midgets, and waaaay too many people standing on pickup trucks beating sticks, and horses, and swords!!!!

Of course I had to get in the mix, and beat a little stickage...

The next morning we took a hot air ballon ride over the valley of the kings during sunrise. This was really sweet, and we got a tshirt and flight certificate with it. It def was cooler than the one I took at the speedie fest with bob the dude with the sandals and socks and milk shirt, and was a hell of a lot cheaper (less than $50).

Getting ready

I have developed a special talent. Uncle fester can make a light bulb turn on by sticking it in his mouth. I can make a hot air ballon look like a light bulb by squeezing...

Of course we had to have a pic.

I really like this one. Notice the tombs to the left carved out of the mountain

Self explanatory

Backshish, Backshish!!!

Us with captain. He didnt crash land like the time I went in Binghamton, so Id have to call it a sucess.

After we hired the bus driver to take us to the valley of the kings. Luxor is seperated into the west and east bank. The west bank has the valley of kings, the valley of the queens, hapschetsut temple, and some others that arent as famous. What happened is that originally the pyramids were used to bury the dead in ancient egypt, but these were eventually robbed of all the goods that were left for the afterlife. This forced the pharoas to be buried in small underground chambers just outside of Luxor. In the valley of the kings there are something like 62 tombs, but they are finding new ones each day. There was some small houses nearby and the government has relocated those people because they are excavating and finding more tombs.

Me and Ash only went to the valley of the kings (the most impressive), to get a flavor. With your ticket you get to enter 3 of the tombs, and we went to Ramses III (because we saw his mummy in the Egyptian museam), Tuthmosis III, and Queen Seknaht. Funny thing about Sehnaht was that it was originally built for the Queen, but when the King died they thought this was more important for him so they put him in there and relegated the queen to a smaller, more unknown tomb. If you took pictures they would take your camera and youd have to bribe them to get it back so I dont have any pics.

I dont know why, but Ash must have thought maybe with my face or maybe I had boogers. Not sure...

These were as good as pics I can get of inside. Sorry!

Yeah... I could work for Blackwater

View on the ferry from west to east bank

When we were done our driver offered to take us to his house so we could eat some free food, which got me interested. He was really into asking Ashley a lot of questions despite the fact that we told him I was her boyfriend. Our driver Allah kind of skeeved her out, but I was too busy enjoying the free sodas, dates, cigarettes, tea, and bread they were giving me to intervene (my bad). Their family was really nice, and we got out of there with some bread and cigarettes to go (score).

Ash and Allah's donkey

Allah with the chickens in his moma's kitchen

Allah's fam

I look like a dork, but this time just the men...

Wedding in the street of Luxor just before we left

After that we booked out of Luxor to get Ashley to the airport. When in the airport I saw the Egyptian soccer team heading to the Olympics which was cool. We took the night train from Luxor to Cairo, and then had like 14 hours to wait in the airport. I was supposed to leave at 2pm with a flight to Tanzania with layovers in Sudan and Ethiopia, but it turns out they shifted the time of my ticked three months ago, nobody told me, so I have to go to the airport every night and go on standby to leave. Last night there were 18 people on standby so Im not sure how long its going to be before I can leave. Im thinking about heading to the Red Sea, Jordan, and Israel if I cant figure this out soon.

Top twelve lines from Egypt:

1) You are a lucky man

2) How many camels for your wife (referring to Ashley)?

3) Why not (referring to when you turn them down for anything - souveneirs, taxi or boat rides, etc)?

4) Hello (in a british accent because they think you are from England)

5) How can I take your money (when walking in the bazaar)?

6) I will give you a secret price my friend

7) No hassles, just come inside and I will show you anything you would like. Do you want a scarf, sheesha?

8) Them: Taxi?
Me: No!
Them: Fallukah (boat)?
Me: No!
Them: Hashish?

9) Them: 5 pounds
Me: OK
Them: 5 british my friend (as opposed to Egyptian pounds)

10) Come take a ride in my Ferrari (pointing to their horse drawn cairrage)

11) Welcome to Alaska!